Couldnt wait for a Year till I update this blog again.

blame my need for anti social fulfilment.
blame my greed for squeezing the creative juices out of my senses.
blame me
for blaming my inner me so corruptive & non degenerative..

Today

Today.

I became the biggest Idiot in this world that I know & live in.
I became the complete arse hole I ever knew could exist.

Today.
I realised.
There is Nothing Good to be me.

It's been a month

05:14 | 280805

almost last few days of this month
& its almost a month since i blogged..
well guess what..
Im still lost for words to put here..

anyhow
just to make sure I dont end up looking like I couldnt care less about updating me blog, Im gonna insert the lyrics of this song - "Show Must Go On" by Queen.

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On - with the show -
I’ll top the bill, I’ll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...

Intensifying honesty

15:48 / 310705
Last day of this month. We're half way into year 2005. Here is a picture that I think represents the topic today.

Intensifying honesty.
Is it ANGER?
Is it me that is being angry at something?
Is it a loud yell trying to pull myself out of boredom?
can't be - I'm almost never bored . just CHILLED.. is the word..
Is it a show of frustration?
Is it a demonstration of excitement too much for me to keep inside?
Is it me who just got a terribly brilliant WILD idea in my head?

whatever it is, I looked at the picture & think.. that's honesty intensified..

in real honesty.. that picture happened out of accident.. jus me muckin around with d camera..
:)

Series Of Stilled Life Vol. 1

What do we see when our past life flashes at us? Can this be another way of analysing who we were at that particular moment in our past? Why did someone made the camera? Is it the same reasons why today practically everyone's carrying them around? Please enlighten me . .

Embrace

15:19 | 30.07.05

Embrace.

When they met face to face.
cherishing sweet memories without any foul trace.
savouring that warm & sweetest taste.

As they stand face to face.
and wonder to their amaze.
the future is still a mad maze to face.
But worry no longer, coz they'll take it phase by phase..

Embracing the moment of togetherness.

Embraced the warm air, feeling its grace.

Embraced the meeting of hearts, with all its craze
where words exist without any phrase.



reve digital

Unwanted Work of Art Series. No. 1

12:21 | 290705

A Form of Rejection is evident here

Amidst Some Dark Clouds..

11:21 | 290705

(replying to an article by AA - I refuse to be unhappy)

Refuse to be unhappy can mean staying closer to things that makes us happy. Things that can make us happy can come in many different shapes, forms and sizes. It could either be a breathing species, or objects of our personal desire. If love is beautiful because the process it takes to form its shape, then finding happiness is sometimes a miracle because of some 'bad glasses' we use in search of things that excites our life. If love is not a destination, then I want to be safe to say that remaining far away from unhappiness is a constant journey of hope and more importantly can be a trechearous yet invaluable experience to complete the stages of my life's progress.

What we want can seem to be what we will always have to keep craving for. For at times, shortcomings are there to maybe slow us down a little if we are hovering across too fast, or to teach us a lesson or two about the real meanings of the word patience. Only the 'hardworking' among us shall know for real. Which brings me to talk about sounding desperate. It can mean the inner heart is shouting utter displeasure and it can also mean enough is enough. Being desperate is never comforting for me to know (personally I feel). For life can never be 'perfect' when all things are rosy and dandy.

So, how do we exactly define perfect? Perfect to me can sometimes mean that I'd be hearing myself say "I'd settle for nothing more". Perfect to me can also mean that after all the hardships of facing tough life (some say life sucks, but I can never agree to that..), I can sit down with ease and reflect that all that happened was meant to be, as I cherish some new things that I learnt along the way. Some days are perfect when all that I intended to do - I got it done. Some days are also perfect when I had to do some things that I never saw coming. Some other days are 'truly' perfect, when I can hibernate and be alone (for now) from the outside world without even missing it a single bit. How do you define your perfect?

Amidst some dark clouds, there's a little glimmering light that wants to shine out to the rest of the world to make the dark clouds disappear.

Amidst some dark clouds, we hope for a brighter day and sit and wait patiently.

Amidst some dark clouds, I see a little angel that knows no harmway, no displeasure, and have no part of its heart remaining dark forever.

Amidst some dark clouds, I hear the laughter that truly takes all kinds of pain away.

Amidst some darkclouds, I feel the warmth of a bright shining sun (08:47 to be exact).

Amidst some dark clouds, I have little fear.

Are You Ready to Fly?

18:09 | 26.07.05

I T ' S A L L A B O U T T H E M U S I C

Some Art from Some Bloke

words please.
;)

Real Positivity

16:57 | 23.07.05

Just thought of putting this article that got sent in my mail the other day.

Old Man & His Shoe

One day an old man boarded a bus. As he was going up the steps,
one of his shoes slipped off. The door closed and the bus moved off
so he was unable to retrieve it. The old man calmly took off his other
shoe and threw it out of the window.

A young man on the bus saw what happened, and could not help
going up to the old man and asking, "I noticed what you did, sir.
Why did you throw out your other shoe?"

The old man promptly replied, "So that whoever finds them will be
able to use them."

The old man in the story understood a fundamental philosophy for
life - do not hold on to something simply for the sake of possessing
it or because you do not wish others to have it.

We lose things all the time. The loss may seem to us grievous and
unjust initially, but loss only happens so that positive changes can
occur in our lives. We should not always assume that losing
something is bad, because if things do not shift, we'll never become
better people or experience better things. That's not to say of course
that we only lose "bad" things; it simply means that in order for us
to mature emotionally and spiritually, and for us to contribute to the
world, the interchange between loss and gain is necessary.

Like the old man in the story, we have to learn to let go. The world
had decided that it was time for the old man to lose his shoe. Maybe
this happened to add momentum to a series of events leading to a
better pair of shoes for the old man. Maybe the search for another
pair of shoes would lead the old man to a great benefactor. Maybe
the world decided that someone else needed the shoes more.

Whatever the reason, we can't avoid losing things. The old man
understood this. One of his shoes had gone out of his reach. The
remaining shoe would not have been much help to him, but it would
be a cherished gift to a homeless person desperately in need of
protection from the ground.

Hoarding possessions does nothing to make us or the world better.
We all have to decide constantly if some things or people have run
their course in our lives or would be better off with others. We then
have to muster the courage to give them away.

8ft Wide Table

16:38 | 23.07.05

My 8ft Wide Table. It's filled with pilling shit & its growing wider by the minute!
Its as if to tell me no matter how much I think I'm disorganised, I got no excuse this time. I simply have got to get on with it without much complaining. I gotta quit moaning. The work has got to carry on, & I've no more reasons to give, neither excuses to get away with.

Somebody wish me luck.

V V V

05:12 | 22.07.05

v v v

somebody's name.
someone else's game.
something definitely not lame.
some feeling of bursting out with fame.
someview in the outer rims of someone else's introspective visual frame.
somekind of a gift for that individualistic dame..


v v v

ve vill vow to vin

I am Me. Part 1.

03:27 | 22.07.05

I am Me. To know me is to figure out who I am (as in my name). In my name you may know more about me. In saying my name, you may think you know more about me. Born Arien, somewhere in Malaysia, I believe my nearest family root tree originates from the Harmoniously Multiracial Island of Bangka (off Sumatra).

Today I am in search for another reason not to be at work, though I can't seem to find any for my table is filled with many things. If I was a Manager in a typical office back in the Seventies, I'd have ruffled my hair, my extra large glasses is already clouded with marks of greasy sweatings and people can only see me, if they toed up to look over that huge pile of files on that desk of mine..

hhehehehe..
Pile of files..
piles of file
oooopss

better leave it at that and get on with work..

Image posted with this article is old - like a good year and a half from now I guess - back in the office at Kelana Jaya. Me and Eja. Eja (local producer / AR manager - and a superb one at it) drives passion into my life career at that time.. To know her ways of doing work was like to see a real pro on the case.. Always on the move, always in the talk and always keeping an eye to the next plan of action..

... as I struggle my way back to that pile of files again.. Im wondering how long do I have to wait and see that same pile diminishing in front of me..

:)

Life Wonders

02:51 | 22.07.05

Sometimes we wonder what put us here today. What exactly that means though? Put us here? Today? Why here? Where were we yesterday? Who put us here? Why does that force put us here? What is the meaning of all this? Why are we wondering about this now? Why is it that we only seldom remember to ask this question? What does 'wondering' means? Ponder on . .

Us mulling what on earth is happening is the time when we actually feel the force that binds our whole universe. It is to tell us that we may at times feel superior knowing we are able to control and guide our destiny, as well as to tell us that our plans might not work out the way we perfectly imagined it to be. In simple words - the ups and downs of Life. Do we really hold the cards for making many of our dreams a reality? Who among us have a full hand of aces?

We are simply placed in many different nodes and instances of our lives to bear another being's existence. In other words, its like saying Life carries no meaning when one wishes to remain solitary and in confinement. Its almost like saying no man is an island. Each environment co-exists. Each force is equally reactive to each other - (Newton's : the theory that any two particles of matter attract one another with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them).

Today, is another beginning day of the forthcoming days.
Today can mean a day to sit and think and mull and wonder and ponder and be closest to our hearts and minds. That day would mean looking at life in a new perspective and finding ways to instigate that necessary change we need to face. That day is when we ask the forces that be to ignite the spark and light us through some dark tunnel we are walking. That day is when we look at Life's Script - the whole episodes of our entire journey on earth written in stone. That day is when we really feel the need to realise in the end, that all these mullings have purpose, and until we do find the real / sole purpose, we have to remain contented that we are still breezing through the gusty winds, breathing and inhaling the beautiful particles of air in search of oxygen.

It is today that we plan to make and do something, but it may only be another day (maybe near, maybe in the distance) that what we plan is turned into history.

It is today that we mull over things, pondering on life, wondering where is the next step up or down this spiralling staircase - in order to realise how beautiful life can be amidst the many unsightly things we've seen or heard.

Have a better today and the day after, everyday. Its only then that we are always positively looking forward to the remains of the time we are allowed to spend on this planet earth that we call home. It's a beautiful gift indeed.

Lips by Compagnon d'âme du Numéro Un

14:24 | 21.06.05

Lips....

Soft & sensual with a delicate touch.
Slightly parted,not much.
A light breeze,a light rustle through the trees.
A touch of sweet ecstasy;
as they waver and then meet.
Our touch is light and sweet.
They open and our tongues embrace,
my eyes see the expression on your face.
As I fall against your chest,
you hold me.
And I feel at rest, all except the rush of joy
that slips past the rest 2 toy.
You step back,they open to speak;
but nothing comes out.
I feel weak.
Those lips of yours so full of bliss.
As we move in again for another sweet kiss

Funny How : Episode 1

19:11 | 15.06.05

FUnny How.

We can see many of our local artistes at clubs and pay big bucks to watch them live, when we can't really have a taste of what our locals can really offer elsewhere.

We all know we have our traditions and cultures but yet, it only transpires at TDC centres - not on the streets.

We all know we have a strong culture, yet what we all choose to show to the rest of the world (in our mega malls & such) that we only belong to that culture but decides to show the western culture we are fond of.

Our administrators are keen on promoting this as a key point in our tourism, yet we can only see this part of our culture only at cultural centres, not anywhere near our homes.. or our city streets.

People are shouting about having a Malaysian identity, when we only know not more than 10% of our roots.

In schools, we are taught of where we all came from, but we never get emphasised to how important it is to know our roots.

Who are we, really?
Malays?
Chinese?
Indians?
Chindians?

Is it really important to know our roots?

The Essence of a Rainbow

17:47 | 14.06.05

It may be true they say there lies a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
But when we look at one seen on the horizon, with its glittering colours so bright.. we are always amazed at how beautiful it can be and it is such a sight to behold.

Can people predict its appearance?

In many ways the sight to behold is enough to put words to rest.. and enjoy the spectacle..
:))

U&TB

07:37 | 14.06.05

Understanding & Trustworthy Being

The other day, I was asked what do I see in a U&TB. I probably feel a high level of comfort being around that somebody, and even when we are apart, I feel so comfortable knowing the person is dependable as well as always being truthful. In life, I feel we need as much U&TB characters around us to make us feel better about ourselves and to be around when times are hard. Such being can be seen as a very dear friend.. a type that can be compatible in believing the same things we look highly upon, a type that can support us in wading through tough times, a type that can have the same traits that we highly appreciate in ourselves..

The way I see it, a U&TB can be similar in the way we possess a perspective in life. We may see things commonly along the same view. Trustworthy is a difficult trait to have and believe in.. since it takes time to achieve that. I believe that time plays an important role in getting ourselves to become trustworthy to one another. But since we are only human after all, we can never achieve that trustworthy 100%.. there will be times when we'd feel the urge to forget how much people trust in us and simply do the opposite.

Yesterday, something happened that made me begin to ask questions about one U&TB who I consider to be very special.

To me, it kind of breaks my heart to know that my trust towards this particular person is shaky. I suppose we all would feel hurt when this happens. Since trust is a very delicate matter. Trusting someone with your might, is the most important deal out of any relationship, being it friendship, career wise as well as in the family circle that we have. To trust someone is almost similar to putting your life in that persons hands. To be able to trust somebody also is a difficult thing to do. Its not like we can simply do, like say, we want to eat.. we'd just go find food and swallow.. but with trust, its never that simple.
There are many things that we have to endure to be able to trust somebody.

In many ways, I can say that to have a U&TB is to know that I am somehow appreciated. But, now, I think a typical U&TB is never the same. I mean, its like U&TB is a determining factor.. somewhat a number that I can rate once in a while. Its like, maybe today, this someone is a perfect 10 score, on the U&TB scale.. but on another day, it can be lower, like maybe just score 3 on that scale.

All I know is, the U&TB factor is relative to how that being feels too.

Sometimes, life consists of too many boxes of chocolates that my mouth gets saturated by its sweetness.

;))

The Wall Made of Many Secret Drawers Pt 2.

12:26 | 12.06.05

The Revelation Cometh.

Aaahh.. I see.

The way I saw it, the existence of this wall is caused by a certain blockage to my progress. We as simple beings on this earth face many challenges daily in our lives. It is up to us to utilise this wonderful gift from our Creator - the mind. When some say it is all in the mind, it sometimes can literally mean that. In my mind, a vision of mathematical formulation was taking place.

As I wonder about The Wall,
I realise that I was made to stand there to sort out this little part of Life's riddles.

As I wonder about The Wall,
I realise that all these drawers represent the many problems that I have been facing that needs sorting out.

As I wonder about The Wall,
I realise that without proper approach to solve all these confusions strategically, I would be standing in front of this wall forever.

As I wonder about The Wall,
I realise that in order to solve them all in one go, I gotta look at the drawers one by one, placing my focus solidly on the one I am looking at, & worry about the rest later..

You see,
this Wall is a strategic outlook into solving the many problems that we might have. At times when we face such heavy load on our shoulders, we tend to forget that in order to stay calm & not being drifted afar by the many things happening at one same time, we really have to approach handling each situation strategically ie separately. The Wall had taught me that there is no use for me thinking too much about all the problems at the same time since I would end up back to square one. I would also end up being one hell of a nervous wreck.

And as I sat down and looked into this one drawer that had contained my personal plans in life, I began seeing clearly what exactly I needed to do.

Time passes by..

I am so looking forward to reach to the bottom drawer, where I think all that I needed to do has been done.